Darkness

The dark had never felt so comforting and so lonely at the same time. At the end of the day when all was silent, she let down her guard and set aside her rought exterior as the tears rolled down her face. She would lie in bed remembering what it felt like to feel light and happy, to wear so easily a smile on her face. She has felt so niave in her innocent belief of the fairy tale. A fairy tale didn't mean no fighting or arguing, it didn't mean never being upset, but it did mean always being there for each other. The fairy tale meant effort by both parties to grow, to change, to work through the hard times and be happier in the good. The effort to change was not brought about by force from each other but from a drive within to be a better person, an improved version of ones self so the disappointment or hurt in the other person would never be felt or seen again.
She curled into a tighter ball, hugging the pillow under her head a little tighter as she buried her face further into it, attempting to wipe the tears which now flowed like a river. She knew even through he was not there for her, she loved him deeper than she had loved anyone else. She was trying hard to ignore the severed ties so the hallow, hurting feeling in her chest would subside. She knew her love for him was still very much alive burning deep within her as she was still attempting to improve herself in the hopes one day he would return and witness the wonderful changes she had made in hereself to be better for him. 
She worked hard each day to be a little more thoughtful in her words. Her love and compassion for society as a whole had always been what drove her to be honest and straightforward. Sometimes, being straightforward can come across as biting, dry, or rude. She wanted to speak to others with a smile in her tone. Unfortunately, his absense was to new to her and the pain often came across strong to others who crossed her path. The pain in her eyes, in her words, and in her mannerisms often made it seem she was angry. Nothing could be farther from the truth, she was not angry, she was in love and her heart breaking was leaving her breathless, speechless, and deeply saddened. There was no anger in her. 
She was disappointed in herself for giving so much of her self to someone else. She was even more upset she had let him explained to him how much power he held over her, how she only belonged to him; heart, mind, soul....it was all for him. Always, always for him....
She held on to solid hope. Her hope lead her to believe, one day they would be where they were a matter of months before he left. Her hope made sure she never, ever gave up on the "us" they were.  Yes, the seas were not always smooth sailing, but outside factors made the seas a lot rougher than they would have ever been otherwise. "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.” She had watched the movie a few times, but it had never meant anything to her, not until her path ran into his. She felt passion she had not known in years. She would rather "fight with him than make love to anyone else." 
The fairy tale did exist. She had tasted it for a brief moment with him, despite all the obstacles in their lives - work, individual interests, very little in common - when they had spent the time actually communicating and spending time together, she had felt lighter than air and renewed. 
Now, she just felt lifeless and alone. She had been tossed aside like a childs broken toy. Maybe one day the child would return to the toy, remember the joy, fix the broken piece, and shower it in the love and attention it had once provided. More likely, the toy would remain in the corner or buried in the bottom of a toy box one day, until all memories had faded and it was finally thrown away, no happiness to be felft by the toy again. 
As she sobbed deeply into the pillow, a chill spreading through her body as the loneliness and pain echoed through her body, she hoped realized, like the toy, she would never be done. Her love for him would never be finished. It would continue to grow and ripple, it would continue to echo in the empty spaces of her mind, her heart, her soul he had left behind in his exit from her life. She was not finished. Her failing hope let her believe somewhere deep inside of him, he was not done either.