A love letter

Dear you,

I can still remember the first time I saw you, our first few conversations, the butteflies you gave me then and the butterflies you still give me. I still remember our first kiss; how nervous I think we both were. When I stop long enough, I can still taste your kiss and feel the weight of your lips on mine. The intensity of your eyes appears behind my lids everytime I close my eyes.

I am not the person today I was when I met you. I was sleepwalking when you walked into my life. Our paths did not pass on purpose, but somehow they crossed none the less. Your presense woke me from a sleep I had been in for longer than I care to admit. I had not realized I was going through life as if I were sleep walking. Not only did you wake me, you pushed me to be more, to be better. You took the time to make me a better person in so many ways. I tried to do the same for you, to be a friend you could trust, to be someone who pushed you to be a better person.

I allowed you into the darkest places of my soul. I let you into the broken pieces of my heart. I broke down my walls and gave you every part of me. You began to follow the same path, you let me close. You cared and you loved. Then you became scared. You realized someone else had the power to hurt you and because of that, you held me at arms length.

Being pushed out of places you once let me so willingly tred, hurt me deeply, but I love you too much to let it matter. I decided I would not quit loving you because you had decided to quit loving me. I vowed to always be there when you needed me. I will never go back on that vow.

You have broken my heart, because it was yours to break. I am trying to nurse the pieces back together. Time after time you pushed me away, I pushed back to prove that I am here. I am not sure now where I stand with you. I am here. I am waiting  patiently for you to decide what you want. I know it will never be where it was. I know you refuse to be hurt as you once were so you shut down loving me even if deep down you really do, you will never say so. It isn't over for me. I will continue to be here. Whether it is a day from now, a week from now, a month from now, or years down there road, I will still be here and it will never be over for me. I would wait for you for eternity.

You claim I need constant validation, I do not. I just need you to not from hot to cold to ice and back again. I just need a little consistancy. I am fine with waiting without validation if the interactions are consistent.

I want you in my life. You have had all of me and it is still all yours. You have my heart, while it is currently in a fragile broken state. I want to be better for you. I want to be better so you can love me. I want to be better so you will think that I could be enough to be in your life. I don't care if it is only as friends, I am not done. I am not walking away. I am not leaving your side. I am not lying to you. I am telling you everything I have to offer. I am giving you all of me.

I do not know how to prove anymore to you that I am not who you think I may be when you are lost in your own thoughts late at night.

Even if I never talk with you again, I am and have been yours. I will remain loyal to you. My heart and soul belong to you and there they will stay.

My love letter to you.....an acknowledgement of the pain you can cause, of the tears I have cried, of the hurt I have felt and yet my continued loyalty to not walk away. I will continue to endure the pain, the tears, the hurt, becuase my heart is now yours....from the day we met until I take my last breath...it is yours as am I.