What a person does when they are standing at a crossroads can make or break their life, ok, maybe not quite so dramatic, but it can and usually will have a dramatic outcome on their future. The hardest part of standing in that position is not knowing whether to turn left, right or keep going straight, for it takes being down the path and looking back to really see which turn taken put is where we are, and what choices could have put us on a completely different path.
I feel I am standing at those crossroads right now, so many things hang in the balance, up in the air, like a juggler with his flaming torches. One wrong toss, one wrong catch, one wrong move down the wrong path could set the whole thing in flames. There are so many challenges I deal with in my daily life, especially in the present, that I often wonder "Am I really this strong to be able to hold all this weight on my small shoulders?". I have always been taught that a person will never have more trials, weight and sorrow bestowed up on them than they can handle. I truly hope that is right because I really feel I am reaching my breaking point. I sit and wonder if the crossroads that lie before me are only there as another test to my strength.
I read yesterday that bad choices make for good stories. I know I have one heck of a story to tell. I have had some many ups, downs, adversity, triumphs, loves, heartbreaks, and lessons learned that it would definitely hit home with many people. My story does read like a great fiction novel with a little bit of something for everyone.
I met the love of my life when I was (almost) 15, only to break his heart and mine by walking away. Then at 16 in an attempt to some how hold on to him through the reminders of him in a new guy, I met the villain in my story. I have had children, beautiful homes, been left with no where to live, been jobless, been sought after for jobs. I have had the best and the worst of every situation. I only hope to find the time to sit down and put thoughts and memories to paper while I am still creative and while my memories are fresh in my mind, before they fade.
Life is often like a dream, when you first wake up, the dream is vivid and real; tastes, smells, colors remain fresh in the mind. As the day goes on and you become more alert, the details of the dream fade, the vividness becomes dull, colors forgotten, until the concept is often the only thing we are left to remember if we can even remember that. It is the same with our lives. As we are young, everything is vivid, bright and easily remembered, ,yet as we travel through the day (our lives) the bright vivid experiences fade, memories become dull and eventually fade. If they are not captured somewhere, they are lost forever. I do not want to lose myself forever.
