For so many years you accused me if lying. Even when I am honest you still accuse of lies. It never mattered how extremely truthful I was, you would refuse to believe me, refuse to trust me. Now, now I see it was because of all the lies you were telling you were unable to trust others were and are honest. You lie to everyone around you with such and lack of caring of the effects such lies will have.
For so many years, I worried about opening myself up and showing you who I truly was and am. I sincerely believed you were the beauty and I the beast. I always second guessed myself and never had faith that someone with such beauty could ever love the beast I was in my scars and damage. I never realized the whole time you were nothing but a facade, a fake, hiding who you truly were. I may be scarred and damaged, but I am not full of hate, anger, resentment. You like to claim I am because I harp on my damage. I discovered however it is truly you who is.
We often seek out in others what we truly are. When you descriptions of me did not match my own internal check of myself, I finally discovered it wasn't me you were talking about, but rather it was yourself. You would lend yourself to verbal abuse of those who love and depend on you. You stoop to place blame on everyone and everything else, it is never you, never your fault. You gaslight and twist.
I pity you. You had a world where you were so loved and you could never accept that love.
It turns out the story flipped. I really was and am the beauty, even in my scars, even in my broken pieces and places. I am beauty. You are and have been the beast, raging with anger, disgusted by the world and how you've been wronged, always looking for a temporary fix, abusive and neglectful, manipulative and gaslighting. I wish you'd been who you pretended to be, who I sincerely thought you were. I wish you'd been full of light and love rather than the blackmore which consumes you. Even those who seem full of dark are often those filled with the most light, but have just forgotten how to let that light shine. But no, no, you, my friend are not darkness, but a blackholw which consumes all the light around it. You have no light and you kill the light of those around you.
I hope one day you learn this and accept this about yourself. I hope when you do, you find the desire to correct it and become who you claimed and pretended to be, because that persona has so much potential and beauty about them.
You owned a piece of me. You had my love. I am sorry it never mattered to you.
I do not wish evil or bad things upon the rest of the path you tread in this life. I sincerely wish you nothing but the best. I simply can no longer be a part of the lies you live and tell. I can no longer be your ego boost. You never cared for me, you truly never loved me, I was just naive enough to think you did and trust those words when you spoke them. I am releasing myself from the lie of you. You never wanted me, so I know you do not miss me. I know you do not care, for I am not sure you truly know how to care about anyone or anything. I don't even think you know how to love or care for yourself. I hope maybe before you see the end of your days on this earth you truly learn how to love yourself and are able to love someone other than you, to know what it is like to put them 1st - always. Good luck. Go in peace. Know if you'd been who you'd said you were, claimed to be, lied about being, you'd have my heart still even if I knew our paths could no longer continue parallel. Unfortunately, instead, I am left picking up and putting back together the pieces of shattered hope, love, and worst of all trust - for what is likely the last time. Thank you for the lesson in knowing I am unloved and unlovable, I cannot trust or care for others without being broken and twisted. Thank you the lesson. I hope you learn your lesson soon enough before life runs short and there is not time left to learn.
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