Hope - less

"What are you doing?"
Every time I hear you ask that question, it sends a thrill through me. Yet, I always answer some plain boring response with a very literal context. Later, as I play every conversation over in my mind, I always think of the witty or more honest, yet deeper truth - come backs such as "thinking about you."
I've quit telling you how often I think about you as I feel it just gets old and loses its meaning, but yet my mind constantly brings thoughts of you to the forefront of my mind on a continual basis. I think of past interactions or conversations. I think of possibly future encounters or deep discussions. I think of what you are currently doing or thinking. Things happen, and I refrain from messaging with my mundane situations, yet you are the first to come to my mind. This honesty, this needs to be snuffed out, it needs to be removed from my mind. Yet, I fear the only way to do would be to suffer a severe brain trauma. The flip side, while I know how often I think of you, I do not think I cross your mind for even a fraction of that time. It would not be quite so bad if the issue were reciprocated, but I feel rather certain that I am a mere pastime rather than a genuine affliction. Affliction may not be the best term to describe, but the best I could think for something such as I feel; to constantly be only half engaged the life around me as the other half of me is focused on you. Even more of an affliction since as I stated, I fear you do not think of me or consider me more than a few fleeting moments each day.
*sigh*
What shall I do? How to I move beyond you? How to I correct this thought process and behavior? How do I let go? Do I really want to move beyond and let go? The deepest question of all, why can I not find love in healthy places? Why do I give my affections and time to those who rarely return the feelings or sentiments? Why do I continue to give love where there is no love to be given in return?

I am the hopeless romantic. I am both without hope yet constantly hopeful that one day.......one day, love will find me.