Rusty

Been a hot minute since I've written. It isn't that I am lacking in material. My imagination always gets the better of me; whether just my anxious spin on real life, my sleeping dreams, my waking fantasies, or just my life that reads like a lifetime movie - I have more than enough material to utilize and write. 

After my last post, my last panic episode, I went for into EMDR. Maybe there is some correlation between the therapy and my lack of words. I am attempting to bring it back; but did my words stem from the trauma? Can I only write when I am dealing with ghosts of my past that keep my screwed up in the head? Is my writing a way to release not just my imagination but also my demons? 

Seems I have a lot of possibilities to explore. 

Speaking of exploring, my life...what am I doing? I should be working on a paper which is due tomorrow, but I am caught up in everything other than school. I need to downsize, but I look around at all the clutter. This isn't who I want to be. Even if I don't downsize, I want to happily invite people into my home, not stress about what they may see if they come visit. 

There is a few new potential friendships in development. I am not sure if it will amount to anything. I do not feel I have a lot to offer anyone. I also feel I need to walk away from old toxic relationships. I have been left so many times, I find it hard to cut those ties. I have so few people in my life, even if it is toxic, I am not sure I can afford to lose anyone from my life.